A Different Way to Understand Suffering : the Human Instinctual Survival Drives

Distorted Instinct

What if much of what we call mental illness is not evidence that something is broken… But evidence that something ancient is trying to protect us?

Before diagnosis, before labels, before personality theories — there were human, fundamental instincts:

The instinct for safety and security (food in our bellies, a roof over our heads), but in modern times, it now also includes psychological, physical/sexual, emotional, and relational safety.
The instinct to bond and connect closely with at least one person.
The instinct to belong to a tribe/group.

These are not luxuries. They are survival mandates written into the nervous system long before modern culture, long before social media, long before the pace of contemporary life.

And when these instincts are distorted, overwhelmed, or left to mature without guidance, they don’t disappear. They intensify.

For example, anxiety may not be a weakness. It may be the safety/security drive stuck on high alert.

Jealousy may not be immaturity. It may be a lack of bonding/connection fears with no reassurance.

Depression may not always be a defect. It may be the belonging instinct collapsed under perceived exile and/or abandonment.

This series is not an argument against biology. Genetics matter. Neurochemistry matters. Severe conditions deserve careful clinical care.

But even where biology plays a role, the shape suffering takes is often sculpted by these ancient drives.

The question is not, “What’s wrong with you?”

The question may be, “What instinct is trying to keep you alive?”

Modern life inflames these systems constantly:

• endless threat signals

• unstable attachment structures

• fragile tribal identities

• comparison culture

• isolation masquerading as connection

We stimulate instinct without maturing it. And when instinct does not mature, it warps. Not because we are flawed. Because we are human.

Over the coming posts, I’ll explore the three primary drives — safety, connection, and belonging — and how their distortions show up in everything from everyday insecurity to severe psychological suffering.

Not to pathologize. Not to oversimplify. But to reframe.

Compassion begins when we understand what something is protecting.

If you’re willing, I invite you to gently look under the hood of your emotional life.

When anxiety spikes — what is it guarding?
When jealousy burns — what is it afraid of losing?
When numbness sets in — what belonging feels threatened?

You don’t have to solve it all at once.

Just begin by noticing.

And if, at any point, you’d like support in working directly with these drives — in a way that integrates psychological insight, archetypal understanding, and embodied awareness — that’s work I care deeply about and am here to help with.

Not to fix you.

But to help your instincts find their mature form, and to help you relate to your suffering more and more skillfully.